My life. As told. By a crazy. Person.

New Blog :)

2010-08-06T22:32:00.001-07:00

http://analiselaughs.wordpress.com

As much as I love blogger, I have moved on to a cleaner site :) So, follow me at wordpress or just check for updates!

Moving Forward

2010-08-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

So, I moved from the house I was living at in Cedar Falls (The Quarter Deck is what it was called) and have moved into an apartment with three of my good friends. The only problem was that I was living all by myself for essentially two whole months. And they were a long two months. It didn't really feel like home all by my lonesome... This Wednesday one of my awesome roommates (Sam) moved in! And now this place that was just an apartment has become a home! We have a rad plaid couch, love seat combo, a love sac (my personal fave!) and some other random seats. A wonderful coffee table and side table set and an amazing tv (HD!).

Living room!

It isn't those things that make it a home though. The best thing is living with someone. You don't have to talk or go out or anything. Some time the change is just having someone there so you aren't completely alone all the time. And for me, living alone for so long was pretty hard. I love being around people. Growing up, I loved to hang out with my brothers and my mom. Even to this day I call (or mom calls) a couple times a day. I did a lot of reading when I was alone. Which I don't mind at all. But I like being able to share what I read with another person.

So, I guess I like living with people :) It's great to experience living alone. But people are awesome!!

Kitchen!

Oooh.... and I'm also taking two classes! I'm enrolled in Introduction to Philosophy (should be fascinating!) and Introduction to Film (I'm a movie junkie anyway! Might as well take the class and explore some more unique films!). Needless to say I'm excited for the turn my life has changed. I get to live with awesome people. I have a job with people that are awesome. I get to take some cool classes that I think I will love! :)

I love this board :)

analiselaughs

Inevitable Change

2010-05-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

For the last five months, I have successfully taken one picture every day. An accomplishment I am quickly growing more proud of by the day. The fact that I have been able to stick with this for so long has also convinced me that I can change the way that I live. I can quit drinking pop. I can eat healthier food. I can exercise. I just have to put my mind and my heart to it.

On top of the fact that I can commit to something, I have also learned that I love clouds. You never realize how much you love something until you find yourself always looking at one thing in awe. I also love looking up into the trees when they are a rich dark green and a beautiful blue sky is peppered in between the leaves. I’m drawn to words (obviously) and I love old things. I have grown closer with people who I never thought I would grow close to and I have also inspired at least one other person to start their own photo project.

By no means is this easy. I am still no photographer. But the more photos I take, the more I inevitably learn about myself. If taking a picture a day can be done, then I can also go for a walk. Read a book. Take a class. Get good grades. I can make the life that I want to live. It is just a matter of simply setting my mind to it.

I am thankful that my mom talked me into doing this. It took some time for me to realize how far I have come. Only seven months left. Five down is quite a feat in itself. But I will complete this. I don’t see a reason not to. And who knows what else I will learn about the world and myself along the way?

Let the rain wash away your fears for tomorrow is always a new day.

--AnaliseLaughs

Hope is the dream of a man awake

2010-02-02T10:04:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get lost in life? You lose your purpose and feel the future bearing down on you? I felt like that for quite sometime. It wasn't until the other day when I went home and my mom handed me a small folded up sheet of paper.

As I looked down at it, I was rather perplexed as to what it was. My mom than informed me that the library had found it tucked away in a book and had given it to one of my old teachers who had mailed it to my parent's house. And here it lay now, cradled carefully in my hands.

I'm sure at this point you want to know what words are scribbled upon this sheet that are so moving and inspirational to me. Are they notes passes among friends about who the cutest boys are? Are they dreams scratched down in hopes that by putting them on paper they will come true someday? Is it a drawing of something? Is it my name entangled with a crushes last name with girly hearts everywhere?

No.

It is simply a poem. A poem that I stumbled upon in middle school. The title is no where to be found. All I know is that the intrigue for me lay in the poem itself. Not only for the fact that it contained my rather uncommon first name.

The words found a way to connect with me even at a rather young age. When the words found me again, the effect was profound. That girl that I have been searching for seemed to slide right back into my very veins. That trickle of passion and life became a waterfall of emotion corroding my lack of ambition away. The air seems brisker. The sun catches my eye (when it is given the chance to shine!) and best of all, my smile feels genuine again.

How can such a sad, forlorn poem evoke such a change though? Especially a change that has been alluding me for well over a year now. This fact escapes me at the moment. It may choose to escape me forever more. But who I am to question a great change? Who am I to mind? At least now I have my voice back.

The clouds hang thick as with despair

An om'nous feel, I can not share

Her ruddy cheeks, her matchless face

Doth vanish now without a trace

Walls of shadow, forward flowing

To end her life, end my knowing

of my darling Analise

As sty'gan darkness fills the room

The evil comes to hark the doom

The clouds hang thick as with despair

An om'nous feel, I can not share

Her ruddy cheeks, her matchless face

Doth vanish now without a trace

Walls of shadow, forward flowing

To end her life, end my knowing

of my darling Analise

As sty'gan darkness fills the room

The evil comes to hark the doom

I cry "Retreat thee from my sight!

Advance no more thy demon's flight!"

But still they come, her soul to take

My bond of love, with life to break

From my only Analise

AnaliseLaughs

The Best.

2009-12-09T22:45:00.000-08:00

I am crazy.
I am FUN.
I am emotional.
I am loyal.
I am a friend.
I am a romantic.
I am a writer.

I love the little things in life.
A smile towards me. A glance my way. I love waking to the sun rising and the birds singing.

See me as who I am.

Unfinished.

2009-05-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

These last couple of days have been days of reflection for me. I really am beginning to enjoy blogging. The idea of putting an idea out there for people to read intrigues me. On top of that it seems to help me to sort out my problems. I have a problem dealing with hard situations and I almost always bottle them up.

Tonight, for the first time in a while, I want to cry. I want to sit here in my bed and sob all night long. I want to shed tears for Wade, Haley, Carmen, Pat, Ruth, Robert, Molly. Anyone I have ever lost in my life. At the same time I want to live for Wade, Haley, and Molly. They lost the chance to live and I feel like I should catch hold of life and live it as fully as possible. The problem is that I am afraid. I am afraid of living. We all are. Some of us face it head on with courage and strength and others cower in fear and live in the shadows. I am ready to emerge from the shadows fighting head on. I want to be seen. I want to be strong. I want to be an inspiration. Not only to myself but to other people also. I want to be the light that guides someone through a difficult patch.

The Lateness of the Night

2009-05-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

This is just me reaching out to the world. Don't leave what you can do today for tomorrow. A great saying. I'm going to point out something else true with this. That is about procrastinating. About anything. What I want you to think about is how you are procrastinating with the happiness you could have in your life. If you choose to do something, do it because you truly desire to. I am begging this of you. You do not know what tomorrow holds. That chance that you take today could make a world of difference for you for the rest of your life. I wonder if my cousin, Wade, had and regrets because he chose to not do something. He will never know and neither will I because he died in a drunk driving accident. For some reason, he has been in my mind for the last week or two. His life has helped to change mine.

LIVE FOR TODAY.

Not tomorrow.

Summer Loving.

2009-05-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

\

I love it when the flowers start to bloom! They are so beautiful. Today one of my best friends (Megan) came up to UNI to spend time with me and my other best friend Lauren. We had a fun photo shoot! The weather is perfect right now. It makes me want to live outside!

The University of Northern Iowa has such a beautiful campus! I do not regret my choice to come up here at all! The only problem I have is during the winter and that is only because it is so cold!

My friend Megan just got the cutest haircut and I got a great picture! I swear that sometimes she could be America's Next Top Model!

On another note, I am discovering a new sense of fashion. I feel like a flower child! I'm loving it! I love shirts that flow and are really light! My friend Lauren got some good ones (I think!).

Have a great day everyone!

Half-Masted 3.2

2009-04-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

If anyone wants to know you should all attempt to come to UNI this weekend. Half-Masted 3.2 Improv troupe with be putting on a fabulous show! The shows will be on Friday at 7:30* pm, and two shows on Saturday at 3:30 and 7:30* pm. It will be hilarious. You should bring an extra pair of pants and socks with you because you might just laugh them off! You should also come because I am part of this spectacular group!

Okay. Have a puntacular day!

*These two shows will not be family friendly but the 3:30 show is.

Get Out Alive.

2009-04-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

It seems so weird to be writing so much again. I haven't written the way that I have for the last couple of weeks for a long time. I missed it. My fingers, my heart, my soul missed it. I did not realize this until it was back in my life. The same for reading. I forgot how to live in the simple moments of life. They were lost to me. Lost in a sea of caring so much for other people that I almost lost who I was. I am glad to have a chance to find myself again. The opportunity to finally figure out what actually makes me happy. What makes me cry, what makes me angry. I depend so much on other people and what they like and how they feel that often I have a hard time deciding for myself. It is time to find out who Analise actually is. Am I a writer? Am I a teacher? Am I a failure? No. I am a student. I am a person. I am a vivacious person who cares deeply about the people around her. But I am sick of getting lost in the crowd. I am sick of being brushed aside like I mean nothing. I am ready to be heard. I am ready to make my mark on this world. Now what about you? What are you ready to do? I hope you are ready to do something. I am here for you if you need anything. I don't want to be the five-minute friend. I want to be a lifelong friend. Give me that chance.

Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. AKA The Vomit Comet.

2009-04-21T20:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight students, you are going to learn about CVS. I want to share and help everyone to understand what CVS is and how it impacts my life. To start off CVS is literally Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. Basically it is cycles of uncontrollable vomiting. For me, I am sick almost every week for one whole day. During my "attack", I tend to sleep and I can get REALLY crabby. I can sleep after being sick for 10 hours. That is only an overview of what it is. The facts that stick out best in my mind. If you want to learn more click on CVS!

A good friend of mine has dubbed it the "Vomit Comet." I personally think that it is a better name than CVS. Now, my take on it.

It scares me. Every day that I am sick is another day full of moments that are lost to me. A day full of puking, being scared, being alone, being ignored. On some days, I wish that someone would stay with me. Mostly I wish that I wasn't sick at all. Sometimes, I hope that someone would take my place for one day. To see the hell that I actually go through. I loathe it when people say "oh, she is fine." I am not fine. I am scared. Some people don't understand or actually know what is wrong with me. It is fun when they realize how often I am sick and then I get the wonderful "Are you bulimic?" conversation. Imagine that. Being sick on a regular basis and running out of options. The fact that I may have to live with this for the rest of my life haunts me every day. I wake up in the mornings terrified if today is the day that I am going to be sick. Questions rush through my head. Will I puke once? Twice? How long will it last? Will I sleep all day? What am I missing out on? I want so bad for everything to be okay. That is why I act the way I do. The reason I brush it off like it is nothing. Because I hope that by doing so, it will go away. Vanish like smoke in the breeze. I pray that it will go away. People tell me "Well, if you can live with it." I don't want to live with it. I want a normal life. I want to wake up each day and not worry about what I might be missing today. Cyclic vomiting syndrome. CVS. The curse that I have been given. Please, go away. Leave me alone. (The Vomit Comet, not my readers!)

Across the Universe

2009-04-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have that moment of perfect realization? The moment of truth you feel like we are all waiting for. You finally know exactly what you want. A moment that feels so pure and strong that you can't get it out of your mind. I had one last night. It brought me hope, joy and rid me of a lasting ache in my soul. It was like opening a brand new book with the pages crinkling as they turn for the first time and the smell of new book drifting slowly towards you. It feels like I am starting new. Right now I am tired but I know that tomorrow I will be fresh, ready, and willing to face the world. I want to become an English teacher. I am worth loving. I will care about every friend or family member that enters my life. I want to embrace the life I have been given.

At this point in my life I have few things to regret. I regret forging my mom's signature when I was in elementary school. I regret staying in Iowa while my mother and younger brother went to funerals in Wyoming because that was the last time that they saw Wade. Regret gets us no where. It is an emotion that we dwell on and wallow in. So, many people ask 'what if.' Stop. Don't ask what if. Be glad you made the choice you did. Don't think about what would have happened if you had taken the other road because I hate to break it to you but you will never know exactly what would have happened. If we choose to, we could regret every single choice we have made. I am not going to and I hope you won't either. Don't let a chance slip between your fingers. If it is raining I hope you go and dance in the rain and feel the drops sliding down your face. I hope that when the sun shines brightly in the sky, you go outside and enjoy some time soaking up the rays. When you are given the chance to love someone do so. Do it without regret. Love them for who they are. Do not love them because of what they were or what they want to be. Simply love them for who they are.